Why We Aren't Succeeding In Our Marriages and What We Can Do About It

I am a marriage and family therapist by profession. Every year for Appleton mortgage refinance past 12 years I have had couples come and share their stories with me. As they seek help for their relationship it has become clear to me that they have never been taught basic relationship skills. It is not uncommon for me to do marriage counseling with couples who feel like they have never really felt close to each other. In many instances these couple have been married for more than 10 years. Can you imagine being married for more than 10 years and never really feeling close to your spouse? Maybe you can.

I am convinced that we live far below our relationship potential in our marriages. Why do we do this? There are many reasons. Some of the common reasons include:

1) We have a fear of being hurt or rejected so we limit how much we let our spouse into our lives,

2) We lack the basic relationship skills needed to succeed in our relationships, and

3) We simply are unaware that what we are doing in our relationships isn't working.

Here are a few other reasons we are not succeeding in our marriages:

1. All forms of abusive behavior (There is never a good reason for abuse)

2. Infidelity

3. Manipulation and control

4. Addictions

5. Spending time with activities and events that are less important than our families

These are just a few reasons our marriages don't succeed. Regardless of your situation, you can improve your marriage. We can all improve our marriages.

Here's a few basic things that you can do to succeed in your marriage:

1. Improve our relationship skills--In today's culture we have many great teachers who can help us develop our relationship skills. My short list includes Harville Hendricks and John Gottman. These two professional have researched and found many powerful principles that help strengthen couples relationships. There is no reason a couple who is struggling couldn't pick Gemgaqfyo a good book on relationships and find a solution to their problem.
2. Find ways to give and serve each other--When couples start having problems they often stop positive Marijuana testing Rather they focus on their problems more than they do the good things in each other. One way to quickly reduce arguing and fighting is to serve one another. Make your husband's favorite meal. Take your wife out for a nice evening. Do something that is unexpected.
3. Avoid long periods of disconnection--Researchers have found that couples can Love and Rockets like cats and dogs and still make their marriage work. However, couples who disconnect (e.g. stop having positive interactions, saying kind words, genuinely listening to each other, etc.) eventually become apathetic toward each other and their relationship. At this point, saving a marriage is very difficult.

   There are many ways to avoid long periods of disconnection. For example, after a disagreement acknowledge what you said or did to hurt the relationship and apologize. Try to understand what is keeping you disconnected and resolve your differences. Statements like "I am sorry" and "Help me understand what I can to make our relationship better" are often helpful. Other ideas include listening to your partner's concerns, showing interest in their life, and building each other up.

4. Focus on the positive--Look for the good in your spouse. Every day try to find five things you like about your spouse and share them with him/her. These things sound simple, but are you doing them?
5. Attend relationship seminars together--Find a weekend retreat where you can increase your relationship skills.

This short list of things can get you started in improving your relationship.

Dr. Skinner is a licensed marriage and family therapist who focuses on improving couples relationships. He is the author of "The Relationship Intimacy Test" and "The Predictive Relationship Profile."

If you want to learn more about Dr. Skinner you can read about him at www.growthclimate.com/s-ea3r3010/index.iwww.growthclimate.com/s-ea3r3010/index.i